Can You Change Other People?

A Personal Story of Active Change

I began my teaching career in Japan, where I received a scathing email from my mentor criticizing my performance. Despite my initial inclination to argue back, I chose to apologize and commit to improvement. This decision led to a productive working relationship and a successful career in education.

The Question of Changing Others

The question of whether we can change others is complex. While it is possible to influence others, the extent of our impact is uncertain. We cannot know the exact solution for every situation, but we can strive to improve our odds of success.

Active Change: Advantages and Limitations

Active change involves directly presenting the desired change and how to achieve it. This approach can be effective for simple knowledge or skills. However, for more complex changes, active approaches often fail to produce lasting results and may even be harmful.

Passive Change: A More Effective Approach

Passive change focuses on understanding the person we are trying to help, listening actively, and encouraging self-discovery. This approach allows individuals to develop their own motivation and commitment to change, leading to more sustainable outcomes.

The Importance of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is essential for changing others effectively. We must understand our own motives, biases, and limitations to avoid projecting them onto others. Self-awareness can be developed through therapy, interacting with diverse individuals, and engaging in self-study methodologies.

Self-Discovery and Change

Changing others begins with a desire to change oneself. Support from others can encourage this effort, but the motivation must ultimately come from within.

The Self-Study Methodology

One effective self-study methodology combines action research and self-reflexive journaling. By journaling about interactions, analyzing thoughts and feelings, consulting research, and applying insights, we can gain a deeper understanding of our own behavior and its impact on others.

The Challenges of Changing Others

Changing others is a complex and challenging endeavor. There are numerous factors that can influence our effectiveness, such as the nature of the change, the individual's receptiveness, and our own biases.

The Importance of Changing Ourselves

Changing others is ultimately a journey of self-discovery. By focusing on changing ourselves, we become more effective in supporting others toward their own positive and lasting transformations.

Conclusion

Changing others is a noble goal, but it requires a nuanced understanding of the factors involved. By embracing passive change approaches, developing self-awareness, and embarking on a journey of self-discovery, we can increase our effectiveness in supporting others toward positive and lasting change. Remember, the greatest change we can make is the change we make within ourselves.